Are you a good friend to yourself?

If you met yourself, would you want to stick around and talk? Are you the kind of person others can be proud of? Hopefully you are, because that's who will be with you for your entire life. Your values and beliefs create a pretty good picture of what you want to see in the mirror. To be proud of yourself, do everything you can to make real life look like that vision. Find people that have the qualities you want and learn from them. Becoming a person you like gives you the confidence that you're someone worth being friends with. There's also a flip side to the friendship coin- you also need to cut yourself as much slack as you do your friends. You have friends because you see the good in them, not the flaws. You like them the way they are, warts and all. You enjoy their company and root for them to be happy and do their best. Look at yourself the same way. To be a good friend to yourself, accept your blemishes, while still pushing yourself to reach your full potential. Don't harp on your weaknesses. Take another look in the mirror and be kinder this time.

p.s please dont compare yourself to be or like ANGELINA JOLIE kay...:)

Understanding happiness

The key to happiness and spiritual success is to focus on what you want to achieve, not on what you want to avoid. Continually picture yourself smiling, happy and successful. Feel happy, successful feelings, honestly project those feelings and soon they will become genuinely yours.

Use errors to strengthen your performance. Don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Beating yourself up just reinforces the errors your are trying to avoid! Try to be your Best Self all of the time. See yourself at your best, feel it and project it. Decide to be guided by goodness, and live by only the highest and best values. What is more enjoyable and fulfilling than practicing being at your best, happy and spiritually successful?

Happiness is a state of mind, not a way of life or a destination that you'll reach one day. Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, and we cannot let them ruin our days. We often think that if a combination of factors would just fall into place THEN we would finally be happy. Satisfaction can only come from within, through truly accepting yourself, your life, and your circumstances. During this life you'll have many hard days--long work days, sleepless nights, worrying about the future, etc. This week, think about the joys of your life. Find creative ways to enjoy the little bumps in the road.

Finding fault with everything you see

We all know people who just like to complain. It seems that no matter how good they have it, they're always spreading negative energy. Even the best, most painstaking listener can have trouble with someone who finds fault with everything around them. You can shine even in the worst situations if your character is strong. If you're starting to see the "dark side" too often and find yourself blaming your circumstances on other people, take another look. If you think a change of scenery will solve all your problems, think again. Change can be good. Moving on to new things can be an exciting chance to stretch yourself and break a rut. But it's important to start with yourself when you're finding things to improve. No matter where you live, work or play, the only constant is you. You can't escape yourself. Change on the outside will have no effect on your happiness or fulfillment unless you change on the inside too

Persevering through failure

Of course try, try again, but when you don't succeed at something it's best not to beat yourself up or hold yourself to an unrealistic standard of achievement. Feeling as if you're a failure, simply for not reaching a goal, is not who you truly are. Do you think you're the only one who fails? Of course not! Most problems involve steps to their solution, and solving each step along the way IS an accomplishment. If you become discouraged during your weight loss journey or find your financial aspirations out of reach, keep trying! Some of life's most rewarding experiences make you sweat and persevere through hard times, only to emerge on the other side victorious and wiser for having worked so hard.

The dangers of people pleasing

No matter how hard you try, no matter how many hours you spend pondering and planning, and regardless of making your hardest efforts, you absolutely cannot please everyone. It is impossible. So do yourself a favor and stop now before you drive yourself further towards insanity. There are many drawbacks to being a people-pleaser. A big one is that you often put yourself in a position of subservience. Sometimes you even put yourself last, which helps no one. Remember that helping yourself and doing what you feel is important should be valued. Find worth in your own opinions and viewpoint, and don't let your desire to please others compel you to keep yourself in the background. Falling short of perfection only proves that you are a normal human being.

The value of friendship

We all have a handful of acquaintances--those people with whom we work or see at the store and casually say hello to and move on. But a friend is someone you confide in, bring over for an afternoon cup of coffee, invite to your wedding, or cry with when a loved one passes away. You just feel a sense of safety with a friend. Don't wait until a rainy day to express how much a good friend means to you. Often we are unaware of how much we mean to others until they speak up, and likewise we never know how much another person might truly need to hear such affirmations. An approving, cheerful word of encouragement can thrill a heart. Be sure to always say kind words before you part, show sympathy during hard times and affection during wonderful ones. Life would not be the same without positive friendships. Express your gratitude to someone today who has made a difference in your world!

Is My Relationship Worth Saving?

Problems arise in every relationship. And many couples stay in a bad relationship for their children or due to religious, financial, and/or emotional concerns (i.e., fear of being alone). But, at some point, many couples have to decide if they should try to work things out or call it quits. This is never an easy decision to make. And while no one can tell you what to do when trying to make such an important decision, maybe we should consider questions ourselves which may help us put our relationship into perspective.

Something to Consider:

• If you had to create a short list of people you could spend the day with, would your partner be on that list? Do you genuinely enjoy each other's company? Do you laugh when you’re together?
• Do you have the same values, goals and interests? Do you and your partner enjoy doing the same things? Do the two of you want the same things out of life?
• Do you express a lot of affection and appreciation for each other? Or is there mostly indifference, negativity and hostility in your relationship?
• Does your partner make you feel understood? Does your partner try to see your point of view? When discussing things, does your partner listen to what you have to say?
• Is your relationship based on fairness? Does your partner see you as an equal? Do you feel you are treated with respect? Or do you feel used, exploited, or taken for granted?
• Do you feel that your partner will be there for you in times of need? Can you count on your spouse for help when the going gets tough?
• Do you feel comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts with your partner? How easy is it for you to talk to your partner about sensitive issues?
• When you disagree with each other, do the two of you try to resolve your differences? Or is there a lot of hostility, disregard and contempt being expressed?

Move On..!!

I'm fiercely independent, most of those close to me knows that. It's extremely hard for me to "depend" and or "seek" from others; couple that with my inability to seek happiness from others, and love can seem impossible. I'll admit it, I'm a very hard person to get close too, but this isn't something I pride myself on

To have someone love me despite my difficult nature, is well blissful! My love life is in the best state it's been, in well many years. Sad, I know -- but loads has happened to me in the past years, life altering events, the loss of loved ones, dropping some friends, gaining new friends, etc

I'm in a much better place, on every level. A year ago, I would've laughed in the face of those who told me the level of bliss I'm at was possible, especially after losing my -- but time does heal. I'm now a firm believer in that

What's not blissful, is dealing with friends who seem to love their men, despite their cheating ways. I guess because I've been to hell and back, my tolerance is low for meaningless relationships

I know every person's tolerance for pain is different, I know we all love differently, BUT there is no excuse to put your life in danger, by loving someone who sleeps around on you, who causes you stress, and who doesn't love you back. Reciprocation must happen in every relationship, or there will be unbalance

I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, or has the friend(s) who call them with their sad relationship woes. You know the ones who stay in the relationship, despite the mountain of signs that's telling them to run, so you avoid their phone calls, because you know it's just another crying session

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we give our love to those who don't deserve it, and put our lives in jeopardy in the process? Yes, I've been in few suck relationship, but I've never stood for cheating, and I can say this with firm conviction, in todays world if you cheat on me -- it's over. I'll cry, it will hurt, but with time I'll get over it. I'm not risking my life by staying with someone who cheats

Life is too short, and beautiful for that kind of stress, and I'm not speaking from a place of not knowing -- I've been there done that, well sans the cheating. If you see it, and he's making you cry, causing you stress, then you don't need him. Yes we all like and love companionship, yes it's essential in the long run, but life is fleeting, and there is no possible way you can truly live, in a toxic relationship. Now, while my words are geared towards women, this applies to men too, because the fact remains women are no more equipped for monogamous relationships, than men are. Women fall prey to cheating, and cause much havoc too

Toxic relationships need to be banished, we all need to seek very boring love lives, and boring isn't always bad. Leave the high drama for teenagers, movies, books, and ignorant men and women who didn't get enough hugs in life

As the old saying goes, love starts with love of self first. The more you love yourself, the less you'll allow yourself to get into toxic relationships. We've all been there in some way, shape, or form. It could be a toxic friendship, etc -- whatever it is, it's a waste of time you can't get back

It seems everyones in a rush to be "happy" or "be in" something, and I say what's the rush? Get to know yourself, get happy with you -- and trust me the universe will open a world to you, that you may have never dreamed possible. But it all starts with us people, every single step

Do You Feel Love??

One talks of love in many ways. All of you want to love someone. Many of you are in love and in a relationship. You use the word in different ways, sometimes without truly understanding the meaning of it. Let us ask you a simple question. Do you feel loved in your relationship? How does one feel loved? Imagine a mother and her child together. If the child falls, the mother rushes to her child to take care and stop him/her crying. That is extreme worry and care for someone. Do you feel that kind of care and worry for your beloved? Have you watched a river rushing to meet the ocean? If you meet your beloved after few days, will she/he rush towards you in that hurry? Have you ever felt that? Watch the dry earth, parched without water. It longs for rains. It desperately wants rain. Do you sense that kind of want in your sweetheart for you? Put your head in water and stop breathing. You want to breathe; otherwise you feel that you will die. Does your partner show that kind of love without you that she/he will die without you? If your answers to all these is yes, you are being loved. To feel loved is very important for us. When we stop feeling loved, the relationship begins cracking. Express this kind of love for your partner and expect that in return.

Just Let Go..!!

My old friend called and complaining bout her love life. She has been together with her boyfriend for 7 mths now. Lately, he has been telling her to lose weight. The way he tells her though is very rude and so hurtful that she feel so bad and ugly. He says things like, "Yeah, you can wear one of those bikinis only after you lose pounds." Or, "I won't be with someone who doesn't even take care of herself." Or, "I want to be with _____. She's hot." And the worst was, "Have you ever had a child before?" She don't know what to do or think anymore about him and her relationship

I know what how she’s feeling, and let me tell you it doesn't feel good. Sometimes you don't get to see the true nature of people until you're in a certain situation. If someone is making you feel bad about yourself, whether they are a lover or just a friend, you do NOT need to be spending time with them. A true friend or love will not want to do anything to intentionally make you feel bad about yourself or your appearance. They may express concern about something, but there is an obvious difference in the way they would go about it. Her boyfriend obviously lacks tact and understanding in this area. If and when she want to lose weight she should do it for herself because she want to, not because someone is making her feel less about herself because of it. When it comes down to it, the purpose of romantic relationships before marriage is to determine whether or not you would want to make a lifetime commitment with the person. Do you honestly think this person will be the type you would want to spend a life, for better or worse with?

Is he insecure about himself and trying to undermine her as a way to keep you down on his level? Sometimes insecure people project the negative things they see in themselves on to other people. Is he over weight and secretly sensitive about it? Or is he simply immature and egotistical and putting you down to feed his ego with a distorted sense of control? Does he feel powerful when he sees you grovel for his approval and ignore your own feelings by putting his preferences up on a pedestal? To hell with his feelings if he doesn't care about yours. Does he feel insecure about his masculinity (a concept damaged in many men by our society's mass media illusions of status, women as trophy objects, and macho images) and compensating for it by degrading you? Either way, this is a shallow, callous way to behave, and it is certainly not loving

You've only invested 7 months in him. She should take off and let him learn humility the hard way. Soon he'll learn he's no great catch and he's alone because of his crummy attitude. If he wants to be with some super model, let him pine for her until he's blue in the face, because he's not getting her, because he's a low life jerk. You deserve better! It's only seven months and he's already emotionally abusive. In my experience, that's only the tip of the iceberg. It will continue to get worse unless you take a stand

Open Your Heart To Love

How often have you wished you had the ability to not worry about the result of something? The biggest fear in a relationship can often be the fear of rejection or the fear of a bad experience. Quite often you'll find people, maybe even yourself, who are so afraid of these things that they are not willing to experience the joy of a true relationship. This is quite understandable, especially if you've had a previous bad experience. The real problem comes when it's time for you to start enjoying something, and you're still held back by your fear. What do you do and how can you overcome this?A good starting point is remembering this motto, "Nothing in life worth having, or keeping, is going to be effortless or painless." If you're going to be involved with someone, this can also include a friendship, you need to make a commitment to them that you're willing to give it your all. Although, the relationship could end in heartbreak, it is far better to know you gave and loved with everything, than to know deep down you held back your emotions.

Don't Think, Just Do
Obviously, this doesn't mean to lose your better judgment... just the opposite. If you're the type of person that over-evaluates everything... stop. Allow yourself to "go with the flow" instead of worrying about what the outcome will be. Remember, there is valuable information in the saying, "Whatever will be, will be."

Allow Experiences
How many times have you declined to do something, or not pursued something (or someone) because you were worried about an unpleasant experience? Take the risk next time and allow yourself to experience things. You may find the risk was worth it!Be

Open And Honest

Many times you'll find someone who is worried about something, but has never even spoken with the other partner about it. It's very difficult to maintain a relationship if you don't let your partner know how you feel about something or any concerns you may have. Sharing your thoughts will not only help alleviate your fears, but it will also begin the start of a solid relationship

Do Unto Others

If you're insecure about something, there's a high chance that it could quite possibly be caused by something similar you've done in the past. Keep pesky, guilty feelings at bay by following the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Not only will you feel better about yourself, you'll also find it easier to be open when you've got nothing to hide!

Remember, there is a certain amount of risk in everything you do. Allowing yourself the freedom to experience love, with all its uncertainties, is more valuable than any investment or money in the world.

True Friends...Something Basic..

People today, in all this new world technology and thinking, have lost sight of what a true friendship is. So, in spirit of my best friend , I thought I would help the world out a little and explain what real, true friends are.

1. Friends don't have to be exactly the same. Friends have similarities but they also have their differences. They key to opening up the world of friendship is not only to expand on similarities but to accept each other's faults. Because you can't ever judge your friend.

2. Friends have to argue! No one likes to but it is necessary to be healthy. Cause if you agree on everything, either the government has expanded cloning subjects or someone isn't being true and is trying a little too hard.

3. You have to be comfortable together or else you just aren't going to click. If you feel edgy around the person then something isn't quite right.

4. Friends love unconditionally. They have there little angry moments but what's done is done and all is forgive and forget. Why let something that happened in the past ruin what happiness you could have in the future?

5. Believe in love at first sight because there is the equivalent in friendship. Some people think that you have to know someone really well to become good friends. Trust me, it's not true. If the first time you really spend time together you talk for 25 hours straight until 4:30 in the morning about some topic you thought no one else in the world understood, hun, that's real love at first sight.

These are only a few of the basics. Just remember, friends are forever. But only if you keep it that way. Don't diss your buds, love them instead. And when they drive you nuts, love them that much more for being just a little bit different and maybe just a little bit quirky!

Change and Grow.

What would you do if your ex best friend call and said that she wants to return things that you have given her during r good friendship days...I have never reliase that I have give so much of this and that to her...I believe in relationships there's a give and take....respect and cared for each other....

Well I dont want to go into arguments, just let her do which is best for her and make her happy..what ever she felt like giving back I 'll just take it..and she thank me for respecting her wish..which is more important to her than respecting other feelings..

How do I feel about this ? well frankly I am not angry...am not hurt.....but am happy that I can take this in a humble way and remain calm...even though she tried to hurts me but I have not try to get into the fire... just remember the good things she has done for me and staying POSITIVE..!!

Many of us make the mistake in relationships by thinking and trying to change the other person. We put all our efforts in trying to "fix" and change our loved ones. Instead of accepting them and loving them as is, we think they would be so much better if only they would act and do things our way

We all want and need unconditional love. No one wants to feel that they can only be loved and accepted by someone if they change according to the wants and desires of that special someone.
If you think you can change another person you are really fooling yourself. The only person you can change is you! Once you change others will change. For every action there is a reaction. As you change and grow others will change and grow. Change is scary and some people won’t want you to change. The fear of the unknown keeps these people from wanting any change in their lives and so they won’t want to see you change. Don’t allow other people’s fears hold you back from making the positive changes you desire in your life

If you want to change yourself realize it takes time. Don’t be hard on yourself if you fall back to the old ways. We are all creatures of habit. It took a long time for you to be who you are today and you shouldn’t expect to change overnight. Also remember that change is a choice. You can choose to start today and learn to develop and create the positive changes you want. There are excellent self help books that will provide you with the guidance and information you need to make the changes you desire. Try listening to self-help books on tape while you drive, do housework, exercise or perform any mundane task. Once you acquire the knowledge you need to make a change then act on that knowledge. Action is the key to change. The little steps you make do count when it comes to changing in a positive way

Be persistent. Don’t give up until you have made the changes you desire in your life a habit! Enjoy the journey and discover the joy and excitement of making positive changes. A good loving relationship is one that allows each person to be himself or herself. Each person needs the freedom to grow and change at their own pace as they see fit. We can only change ourselves. Learn to love and accept yourself and you will be able to love and accept others without the need or desire to change them

Whazzup???

Here’s an important rule for life: It’s not all about you. To develop a thick skin you must first remember that you are not the center of the universe. Yes, sorry to say, you are not the fixed point around which the universe turns. Say someone isn’t paying you enough attention. You brood and brood. "Is she mad at me?" "Did I say something wrong?" Your gloomy thoughts intensify, leaving you emotionally crippled and thinking that you have ruined everything

Yet there may be a good reason for her inattention. Maybe she’s having rough week at work, and she has 10 projects to complete by Friday. All of which are putting her in a foul mood. Or think about it in another way. Maybe she is behaving badly and being a jerk. But why are you fussing over it? If this is how your mind works, you may indeed be overly thin-skinned. And some rethinking is in order. You will need to learn a few skills and think outside yourself

Don’t take things personally
Sometimes you may need to reframe a person’s bad behavior by remembering that it’s not about you

Don’t let others get to you
Refuse to get overly responsive to the negative feelings and provocations of others. Adopt strategies that regulate emotional arousal; otherwise negativity hijacks the thinking brain. Try simple, deep breathing or declare a time out

Remember that everyone gets rejected sometimes
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a few times to get it right. Successful people are rejected over and over, but never stop trying

When you’re rejected or something doesn’t go your way, counter-propose a new solution
Often, the person declining your offer is not rejecting you. He/She may even want to hear another idea. Successful individuals come back from rejection with new proposals. They’re creative at coming up with additional ways of looking at things and solving problems.

Don’t be self-focused
If you do focus on yourself, you’ll likely dwell on your shortcomings. Instead, think about your goals and what steps you need to get there

Don’t worry about looking stupid
If you are asked a question and you don’t know the answer, you can simply say, "I need to think about that and get back to you later"

Don’t be quick to blame
Recognize that other people have their ups and downs

Think about others
Enter social interactions with this thought of making the experience itself enjoyable. Ask yourself, "What can I do to make you feel more comfortable?"

Learn to be patient
Don’t be impulsive or react to a situation without giving yourself time to cool off

Stop the self-talk
Counter self-defeating self-talk with truth-talk: "You can be your own worst enemy, so give yourself a break"

new pc please ...boss???

One of my good friends has always complaining about her office computer ....." the computer need to be thrown out in the sea"..." one day I will strip all the wiring in order to get a new pc"..." i feel like smasshing this computer"..bla..bla..bla....am the IT person always purchased computers for my new employee with good configurations... so understand her feelings working with 6 or more than 10 yrs pc ....do hope that she be able to strip the pc wire before her head goes haywire....do hope that she will get a new pc by this year else I have to buy PROZAC ( depression pills) to control her anger...

My Suggestions to Her,

1. Well good that this pc has made her to be more patience ..ada hikmahnya....insan yg penyabar yg dituntut dalam ugama...Alhamdullilah...untuk meningkat kan kesabaran maybe she can use a screen saver with music background from Raihan...songs like " Alhamdullilah" or " Demi Masa"..

2. Why not place this pc in your boss room and let him use for a day for trial..if he cursed with all the #@^%$!* then you have the chance of getting a new pc..:)

3. Used the computer as a training basis for new employee....let them used and if there's no complain , then you are lucky to hire a patience employee.

4. Another alternative used the pc for a testing tools during interview..those who claim they are customer oriented....hihihi ask them to write their resume using this pc...if the pc keep on hanging and shutting down..they may walk out of the room and mention your Company are not hitech...your Company are cheapskate...this will stream down your candidates..!! easylah your job ....:)

5. If the pc keep on shutting down..then you can just go to the electricity main switch ...shut down when no ones are around.....see every pc shutting down at the same time...isnt that make you feel good coz you are not the only one has that problem....mayb you can suggest that the power trip due to the old pc....if your boss agree then you get a new pc ( make sure the electricity bill has been paid).

6. Another solution... just cry each time your pc shut down...make sure your boss see this...

hahahaha....ensure tissues..towels ..pail are kept under your desk...just in case you really cry hard...

7.Or maybe since this year she mention she wants to go for things in PINK colour, why not spray the pc in pink... maybe you will love to work with this pc again..." hello pc darling ..dont shut down from my life, i need you to work hard as i wannna get my dream car HONDA JAZZ in PINK...:)

If all the above failed doesnt help try the word of wisdom below,

"To work in love is to work in joy, to live in love is to live in joy." Don’t be afraid of a little hard work then. Do all of your work in love and in joy. Work at giving, work at loving, and work at living happily ever after, day by day and choice by choice. God put us here to grow, to learn, to work, and to love. God put us here to find joy in our efforts and to share love in our lives. Do all of your work with a smile on your face, with love in your heart, with joy in your mind, and with light in your soul. If you do so your work will become play, your life will become joy, and God will always work through you.

It Hurts...:(

How many time I have this heart break feelings...but somehow always find someone one after another..and have frenzs asking me how do i go thru that feelings..the pain..the hurt... what ?? I do have feelings too yah.. !!

It hurts. It really hurts and there is nothing you can take for it. Except good care of yourself. Heartbreak is a terrible shock to the system and the pain at the end of a relationship is hard to get through, but here are my top ten tips :

1. Cry. It might sound crazy but I do recommend crying. You have suffered a loss. You need to accept that loss and grieve for it. Don't be afraid to ask your friends and family to help you as you come to terms with it

2. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't blame yourself. Don't say "If only I had …" or "If only I hadn't….". The end of the relationship doesn't make you a bad person or a failure

3. Be positive. Look honestly at the relationship and ask yourself if it was really what you think it was. Then learn from it. Use what you learn to make your next relationship even better.

4. Don't rush into another relationship. You have value as an individual. You don't have to be part of a couple. I agree that the world is based on couples and families with 2.4 children but if you look around, there are a lot of single people who lead full and happy lives. Learn to be happy with yourself, then you can be happy with someone else

5. Do remember you are special. Just because you are no longer your ex-partner's special person doesn't mean you are not special and don't deserve to be treated well. Go out and give yourself a treat regularly

6. Love and romance are not everything. Now you have an opportunity to nurture your friends, family and self. You may also find you have time to do some of those things you've never had time for before

7. Now is the time to re-evaluate what you need in a relationship. We often repeat the same mistakes until we learn from them. Is there a pattern to your relationships?

8. Be prepared to take risks again. Just because this relationship ended in heartache doesn't mean you have to drop out of the game. It hurts so much because you allowed yourself to feel deeply for someone and you want to feel that again, don't you?

9. Forgive. Don't try to get revenge. Cut your losses and move on. Holding onto those feelings of anger will only slow your progress in healing from the hurt

10. If you can't forgive and move on, then maybe you should consider getting counseling. Friends and family love you but maybe they are not really objective. A counselor to listen to you without any preconceived ideas, who is trained to help you, may be a better bet. After all, taking care of yourself is your priority.

8 Ways To Handle An Argument

Let's face it, no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful of a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while. With a few tips though, it doesn't have to be something that can harm your relationship. The next time you feel an argument starting to form keep in mind these 8 ways to handle an argument! I have list down and analyse some of this points below but serious arguments may need more than 8 list I guess...!!!

1. Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concerns.I'm sure you hate it when people interrupt you; give your partner the same respect -- even if you don't agree with what they are saying

2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when in fact you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand what they are saying, you'll find a way to end the argument far more quickly

3. Don't say something you'll regret later.Always consider your relationship like a glass. It is sturdy, tough, beautiful and clear when taken care of, but if it is mistreated or mishandled it can end up scratched, cracked or even broken. Take care in choosing the words you say when you are in the heat of the moment.. Don't bring in past woes

4.The past is the past... let it stay there. If you dwell on past occurrences, you'll never find a solution for the future your partner will feel less loved and respected, and you will always feel negatively towards your partner. People make mistakes. Give your partner the chance to recover from them, and encourage and support them when they make the right choices

5. Learn to compromise.If you can learn to compromise, you'll find yourself in fewer disagreements. If you don't like something, then agree with your partner to find some middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternative solutions for things your partner doesn't like as well!

6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.An argument is typically started because you want someone to agree with you about something. You think that the other person must not know all the facts, so you begin to explain it to them. The more your partner still disagrees with you, the more upset you usually get. But, if you realize that sometimes it is best to just let yourselves agree to disagree -- you'll show your partner that you not only respect their opinion, but respect their individuality as well. You never know, maybe later on they (or even you!) might change their mind

7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.It's far too easy to run off and avoid your partner, or give them the silent treatment. Instead, make a commitment right now to each other to respect each other enough to work it out -- even if it takes all night. Nothing is unsolvable when you are working together to truly find a peaceful resolution

8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.This does not mean bend over backwards for them or compromise your integrity. Just keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is your best friend, lover and soul mate. If you both keep that at the forefront of your mind in an argument, it will keep what matters most away from cruel words or intent -- your heart!

Finally, I leave you with one thought on preventing arguments. Let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore thinks they are over-reacting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don't let things build up until you explode

Angry? Who, Me??? Final ..:)

Unresolved and misdirected anger can keep the heart closed, the body tense and the mind chaotic. Spiritually, you can feel lost and become disconnected from your deepest self -- your soul.

Therefore, it is critical to understand and work with your anger in an appropriate way, allowing your body, heart and mind to be in an open peaceful state. Here is where you meet the spiritual aspect of yourself and where you find the answers to your unrest.

Most of us have never learned how to recognize or express our anger in a healthy way so we overact to trivial situations or respond with inappropriate behaviors to show -- or hide -- our anger.

Anger that is not felt, expressed and managed gets suppressed and affects our health and our relationships. Unmanaged and suppressed anger contributes to depression, rebellious behavior and insomnia. We can get headaches, stomach aches, and we want to go to the refrigerator every hour even though we are not hungry. We walk around stuffing it, misdirecting it or escalating it -- everything but expressing it appropriately and letting it go.

1. Mop up old, unresolved anger from past circumstances and from those we feel have wronged us. Write a letter to everyone you are angry with. Give yourself permission to say anything and let your feelings out, but do not mail the letter.

2. Learn to recognize physical or behavioral "cues" that signal you are angry. Where do you feel tight, tense or num? What do you do when anger occurs? How did the situation make you feel besides angry?

3.Identify what you are angry about. Are you angry at others, angry at yourself or is it residual anger from the past? Ask yourself what about this situation, interaction or circumstances angers you the most? Replace any self-recrimination with self-acceptance.

4. Validate your feelings. Allow feelings to be there. Identify, accept and validate your feelings to manage your anger. Sometimes that is all we need to do. Validate your lover’s anger, too. When she/he knows their feelings are being understood, they can let it go.

Once you have recognized that you are angry, deal with it constructively:

List the possible solutions. You may have decided to deal with it by talking to a friend, writing out your feelings or taking a walk and giving yourself a “time out.” You may decide to express your feelings directly to the person who made you angry or not.

Think before you speak, and always use “I" messages. This is not about winning an argument; it is about letting someone know how you feel and working out a resolution. Instead of “you never pay attention to me,” state your feelings and follow it by a request like, “I feel very left out when you don’t pay attention to me. Would you be willing to set some time aside for us to connect?" Learn this and model this way of communication for your children. Praise yourself for your efforts. Teach yourself and your children to identify, manage and ultimately let go of anger. Letting go of anger will help you to develop a more forgiving nature. As we forgive others, we are more likely to forgive ourselves. It is here where we begin to connect with our spiritual essence and awaken our soul.

Angry? Who, Me??? Part 1

Someone been asking me about anger management, som epoints here for reading. We develop a dysfunctional style of expressing and responding to anger that we learned during childhood. As we grow older, we are likely to develop an adult version of one of the early inappropriate styles listed below. Any of these look familiar?

1.The Silent One -- Withdraw when angry, leaving others wondering what went wrong. She may mope and not speak for days

2.The Suffering One -- She says she feels no anger, yet seethes underneath, accepts things in a martyr-like way

3.The Shooter -- She’s quick to express anger and quick to forge it. She is impulsive, volatile and does not realize the impact this behavior has on others

4.The Sarcastic -- She hides her hurt and anger by sarcastic and intellectual criticism

5.The Guilty One -- She hides her anger at others by telling herself she is responsible for everything that goes wrong. She often puts herself down and feels unworthy. Anger is a normal human emotion. It tells us that something is wrong. It exists to deliver a message and to let others know how we feel. If we learn to recognize our anger, we will express it directly and openly at the time the feelings occur, or as close to the time as possible. There is resolution in the very act of expressing our feelings, even though we cannot change the circumstance or the person involved

Anger that is not felt, expressed and managed gets suppressed and affects our health and our relationships. Unmanaged and suppressed anger contributes to depression, rebellious behavior and insomnia. We can get headaches, stomach aches, and we want to go to the refrigerator every hour even though we are not hungry. We walk around stuffing it, misdirecting it or escalating it -- everything but expressing it appropriately and letting it go.and quick to forge it. She is impulsive, volatile and does not realize the impact this behavior has on others

which one am I... 1.2.3... :)

Pay Attention

God gave me another gentle reminder of what is essential this morning. I was rushing around trying to get too many things done at once and not doing any of them very well. As I was about to start my next chore, though, I caught a glimpse of brilliant light shining through my living room window. The sun had just risen and was shining brightly down on the Earth. It’s glorious, golden beams were joyfully waking the world. Seeing this I walked out on my front porch to take a break from doing and spend some time living. The sky was the purest blue imaginable. The air was so fresh and cool that I breathed in deeply with delight. I listened to the birds singing happily in the nearby trees as they greeted the morning. I then stood for awhile paying attention to this wonderful world God has given us. Before I went back inside I told God just how much I loved Him and thanked Him again for my life. Life is so full of beauty, wonder, and delight. Life is so full of kindness, peace, and happiness. Life is so full of love and joy. God has given us a world overflowing with good things for us to rejoice in. It is up to us, however, to pay attention to them. It is up to us to take them into our hearts, souls, and minds. And it is up to us to share them with the world. Don’t go through life too busy to see that essential wonder and beauty around you then. Pay attention to it. Pay attention to that golden sunlight and brilliant blue sky. Pay attention to that first flower poking its head through the dirt in the Spring. Pay attention to that smiling child wanting to play and laugh with you. Pay attention to that beautiful, old soul sharing stories about his life with you. Pay attention to those people who are reaching out to you and offering to share their love and joy with you. Pay attention to the glorious love that God freely offers you every second of your life. Life is too short not to pay attention