Angry? Who, Me??? Final ..:)

Unresolved and misdirected anger can keep the heart closed, the body tense and the mind chaotic. Spiritually, you can feel lost and become disconnected from your deepest self -- your soul.

Therefore, it is critical to understand and work with your anger in an appropriate way, allowing your body, heart and mind to be in an open peaceful state. Here is where you meet the spiritual aspect of yourself and where you find the answers to your unrest.

Most of us have never learned how to recognize or express our anger in a healthy way so we overact to trivial situations or respond with inappropriate behaviors to show -- or hide -- our anger.

Anger that is not felt, expressed and managed gets suppressed and affects our health and our relationships. Unmanaged and suppressed anger contributes to depression, rebellious behavior and insomnia. We can get headaches, stomach aches, and we want to go to the refrigerator every hour even though we are not hungry. We walk around stuffing it, misdirecting it or escalating it -- everything but expressing it appropriately and letting it go.

1. Mop up old, unresolved anger from past circumstances and from those we feel have wronged us. Write a letter to everyone you are angry with. Give yourself permission to say anything and let your feelings out, but do not mail the letter.

2. Learn to recognize physical or behavioral "cues" that signal you are angry. Where do you feel tight, tense or num? What do you do when anger occurs? How did the situation make you feel besides angry?

3.Identify what you are angry about. Are you angry at others, angry at yourself or is it residual anger from the past? Ask yourself what about this situation, interaction or circumstances angers you the most? Replace any self-recrimination with self-acceptance.

4. Validate your feelings. Allow feelings to be there. Identify, accept and validate your feelings to manage your anger. Sometimes that is all we need to do. Validate your lover’s anger, too. When she/he knows their feelings are being understood, they can let it go.

Once you have recognized that you are angry, deal with it constructively:

List the possible solutions. You may have decided to deal with it by talking to a friend, writing out your feelings or taking a walk and giving yourself a “time out.” You may decide to express your feelings directly to the person who made you angry or not.

Think before you speak, and always use “I" messages. This is not about winning an argument; it is about letting someone know how you feel and working out a resolution. Instead of “you never pay attention to me,” state your feelings and follow it by a request like, “I feel very left out when you don’t pay attention to me. Would you be willing to set some time aside for us to connect?" Learn this and model this way of communication for your children. Praise yourself for your efforts. Teach yourself and your children to identify, manage and ultimately let go of anger. Letting go of anger will help you to develop a more forgiving nature. As we forgive others, we are more likely to forgive ourselves. It is here where we begin to connect with our spiritual essence and awaken our soul.